blahblahblah4 (blahblahblah4) wrote in depressionloves,
blahblahblah4
blahblahblah4
depressionloves

Hey everyone-
I first need to start off by apologizing. I have posted this same message to a few different communities with the same focus in hopes of receiving some help. So if you see this more than once on your friends page, I'm sorry but I could really use some feedback.
I will put the whole story behind a cut, but this is regarding my suicidal fiance, whom I love desperately and want to save. If anyone can do me a favor and give me a little advice, I would be really appreciative.

I have been living with my fiance for 2 years. He has a 3 and a half year old son, and is separated from his son's mother. Lately all he has been talking about is killing himself. He has told me that he has never been happy, that all he thinks about is that his son would be happier with his mother, and that I don't really love him. He has said really hurtful things to me like that I would be over him and fucking some other guy in four months, which is not true. If he died, I would never be with anyone else. He is the most important person in my life, that and being a mommy to his son, and if he killed himself I would go completely crazy, as well as not being able to see his son anymore, who I love very much.
Every night he says how he wishes he could blow his brains out, and every morning he says how he has less of a will to live every day. The time in between is ok, I mean that we hang out, fool around, and have fun, but I know he is always thinking about dying. I cannot stand the idea of living the rest of my life (I'm 24) without this wonderful person who I love so much, but he thinks I would move on so fast because of some mistakes I made when we met.
I met him when he was still with his wife, and even though I fell in love with him, I kept the other boys I was seeing because I never thought he could be mine. He ended up leaving her for me, and I of course have severed all ties with anyone else I was with, but he just won't let it go that I was with other people before him. It tortures him. I can see it in his eyes that he hates me sometimes when he thinks of it, but there's nothing I can do to take back the past.
He says the things he wants he can never have, and why should he bother living. My love for him is not enough to keep him alive, and I'm so scared that I will find him dead one of these days soon.
I have never liked kids or considered having one until I met him, and I love his son and want to have his baby... but how can I if he just wants to die all the time? He is just miserable and absolutely nothing will ever change him about that. I know he would never see a doctor or talk to anyone about his problems.
Has anyone in this community felt like this before? Utterly helpless and at the whim of an extremely depressed person who has wanted to die their whole life? Can anyone offer me any advice? I'm desperate.

If anyone can respond, I am most grateful.
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